Thursday, March 31, 2011

A Humble Stumble

I got the title for this post from my friend JM in a comment on Facebook. I felt is was appropriate and witty.

While on my 14 mile training run yesterday, after several months of training, the inevitable finally happened. I caught the lip of a "well-kept" Springfield sidewalk, rolled my ankle, and Rambo rolled across someone's driveway. Taken aback by what had happened, I jumped up and immediately started taking the vitals. Ankle intact? check. Elbows and wrists still in sockets (I know gross)? Check. Blood on hands or knees? Not a drop. Any other extreme aches or pains? None that aren't normal for a runner.

As a walked for 5 minutes to let the shock wear off, I contemplated what had just happened. I felt a full spectrum of emotions. Frustrated, amused, angry, sad, motivated, confused...

Lately I've had this tendency to feel sorry for myself. Have you ever experienced that? I'm pretty sure we all have. And in certain times of our life we have a tendency to do it more than others. I am usually completely aware of this behavior and it often makes me feel weak, frustrated and completely unsatisfied.

Walking down the sidewalk watching for cracks and avoiding killer sweet gum balls, I knew I had a choice to make. I could feel sorry for myself for falling, accept that I was defeated by a protruding bit of concrete, and go home looking for sympathy for having been through such an ordeal Or I could look at the fall as a bump in the road that had no ill intentions to hurt me but merely posed to challenge me to make the choice to be strong.

So when a fall happens only a quarter way through your run, what should you do? Accept defeat or finish?

I was thankfully unharmed and physically very capable of finishing the run. But did I have the mental strength to combat self pity and defeat?

Sometimes when we are in need of something in our hearts we find ways to get it from the people around us. We don't do it maliciously, but we manipulate our stories or dramatize the happenings of everyday life just to get a specific reaction. If I'm very honest, I do this sometimes, but it's not a quality I'm particularly proud of. The thought crossed my mind to play this out as a traumatic ordeal. But the truth was, it wasn't. It was ordinary and uneventful. I was unharmed without a scratch.

I had to find a way to satisfy my own heart when an obstacle presented itself. I knew I couldn't rely on the sympathy and pity of others if I'd chosen to quit. Because in my heart I didn't really want to quit.
My stumble is a concrete scenario of either choosing self pity and quitting or self empowerment and success. I'm still discovering everyday the things that satisfy my own heart. Choosing to finish my run was a good step in the right direction.

I, like many, want to succeed. I accept that I have faults and I accept that it sucks to fall down sometimes, but I refuse to just lay there when I know my legs and my mind are capable of running the entire race. I want to succeed in my life right now. I accept that my situation has faults, that it's not perfect, that it's not my purpose in this world but I refuse to lie down and just go through the motions. I refuse to be zombie-like and not continue to grow, especially when I know that I am more than capable to grow in ways that I never knew possible.

When you stumble and fall there's always some way to get back up again. It's just up to you to decide what you will do when you're back on your feet again? Will you succumb to pity or own the situation with strength? My humble stumble really taught me a lesson yesterday. It reminded me that I do have the option to keep going and to push right to the finish. Things may not be perfect. I may fall sometimes. But I don't want to feel sorry about that. I want to be thankful for the opportunity to become stronger because if it.

This post is dedicated to all you warriors out there who have been through something hard and are stronger when you came out the other side. You are amazing! Keep fighting. It's worth it :)

BPositive and BStrong!

Love always,

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Running: A solo or team endeavor?

The open road. A path to be traveled. A running route. 

Running is very special to me. Put aside the aching joints and blistered toes and it's the most liberating activity I've happened upon in a long time. It requires very little in the way of equipment. Some shoes, some warm clothes if it's cold, some water...maybe a sweat rag. Physically you don't need much to go out there in run. But there is something I've realized this week has been critical to my recent success in running....


Lately I've been finding that a lot of my friends are getting into running. And even though we've never said it out loud, I sort of feel like we have a little club going on. A club of support, encouragement, and empathy!

It got me really excited to find out that my friends were running too. It's not just something to talk about when we catch up, but it's something to really support one another in. 

What's funny about this concept is that we all actually run by ourselves. A couple of us run in Springfield. One of us runs in RI. The other in NJ. And I know there are more of you out there who are part of this club that I'm not even aware of! We tread by foot as separate entities clearing our heads and strengthening our legs. Each run helping us become more successful for the next. Pushing through the really hard ones. Enjoying the bliss of gliding on air on the good days. Hitting a mark that we never thought was possible. See, running is a solitary sport...Or is it?

Of course we personally have to take care of our own bodies, get enough sleep, eat food that gives us energy and stay hydrated. Mentally we prepare ourselves for a certain mileage so that we can stay focused and get it done. We make schedules for ourselves and follow separate running plans depending on our up coming race. But what truly makes these runs so successful are the people who support us with every step.

My husband A will drive me to a specific starting location and meet me part way to switch out my water bottles even if it means sacrificing the better part of his Saturday morning to follow me around Springfield. I always text J and B before a big run and then again when I finish to let them know how it went. They always let me know when they have a big impending run so I can help them get them excited and mentally prepared.

J just ran her fist 5 miles last week in preparation for her first 10k and B just ran her first 10 miles in preparation for her first half marathon! L just recently ran her first 12 miles just because she wanted to get out there and do it. What accomplishments! Even though we all have different races and different goals, I can't help but think this is truly a team effort. It certainly wouldn't be as much fun without each other's help and encouragement!

As usual running proves itself to be a good example of other life lessons. Is there ever a time in our lives where we are acting completely alone?

We always have what is in our heart driving us. And even though it's rare that I get to spend time with my friends that are our of state, they are constantly driving me and keeping me motivated even when I'm not talking directly to them! No matter how solitary the task at hand may be, it's what's in our heart, the people, the friends, our spirit that helps us feel so accomplished and proud of our efforts.

J let me know the other day that while she was running she felt like I was there with her. When she told me what she had accomplished, I felt so moved by it. I was telling my husband what she had done and the pride I had for her was overwhelming. It really was like I was there with her.

We need support from one another even when we're physically tackling the task alone. Training for my race would have been miserable if I had no one to report back to about my weekly accomplishments. And even though on race day my teammates won't physically be running next to me cheering me on, I know that I am taking all those people with me on the journey.

I think that's why we can thrive even when we're away from the people we love and care about. Because we find ways to connect and support each other. Even if it's just channeling their positivity and knowing it in your heart. That makes life feel very fulfilling.

So this is dedicated to all my runners out there. Just know that I'm so so proud of you and so excited that we're all on this journey together.

BPositive and B A Team!

Love always,

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Road Trippin'

I was talking to B today and feeling sort of tired and mopey.  I didn't sleep great last night and work progress has been slow. B was distracting me by telling me about her sister's bachelorette party tomorrow night. They will be taking part in a number of activities but the one she's most excited about is Karaoke. "I've never done it before," she said. The thought of her doing karaoke for the first time got me thinking about a memory from a couple of years ago. I briefly told her the story of when A and I were in the Great Smoky Mountains. After hiking and taking in the incredible views, we drove through the park and out to the other side. There were lights in the distance. Bright lights. Flashing lights. Neon lights. Vegas? In Tennessee? Nope. Gatlinburg.

It was quite a contrast from camping but we were tired and after sleeping on the ground for so many weeks in a row we decided to take a night and treat ourselves to a bed and a hot shower. A decided he'd treat me to a date night. He took me to a local joint where they served fun appetizers and cold beer. It wasn't often that we would treat ourselves to restaurant food so this was tasting good. And there just happened to be Karaoke going on in the background. I had done karaoke once before in high school but that was with my giggling friends, all looking like a unified team of fools, together. Here it was just me and A and a bunch of people we didn't know. A loves Karaoke. But that's because he actually knows how to sing. He did a few songs and got some good cheers. The whole time my chest was pounding because I knew I wanted to get up there but something had me so scared. A couple on their honeymoon moseyed over to us, or stumbled I should say. Miss Tipsy had been singing (and drinking) all night and wanted me to do a song with her. By then the bar had pretty much emptied. So why was I still nervous? We got up there sung a rousing round of "I touch myself" (not my finest hour) and danced around with little care of how we appeared. The fear turned to adrenaline which turned to excitement and exhilaration.
A later time in my karaoke career with some friends on the 4th of July in Madison, IN

When I was done telling this story to B, I felt a lot better. A lot less mopey and tired. I was excited to just reminisce about my adventures and think forward to possible new ones!   Isn't it exciting to know that you can jump in the car and just go and have an adventure? Even a small one like my Karaoke night.  A little road trip (or the prospect of one) always solves my restlessness and mopiness. 

Ribbon Candy country highways
A and I took a little road trip this past weekend. We jumped in the car and drove through small towns with big personalities. Even when we don't have a lot of time or money for big trips, it's great just to explore what's around you. This country is so quirky and fun and there is creativity everywhere!

Need I say more? 

As a seasoned veteran of the open road I have more extreme restlessness than most, but I think we can all relate. Once you take a real road trip you get that energy running through your veins. If you sit long enough it charges and suddenly you just have to get out there and see something, do something, or just drive for hours at a time! There's nothing more exciting to me than looking at a map and seeing all the places that I have not yet explored. And this country is so accessible that if you do it right you can get anywhere in just a day or two! But that's just me. I am a bit extreme with my road tripping. A and I have it down to perfection. We've learned how to comfortably sleep in the car, eat cheap, and pack for any amount of time away from home. We've made it from Eastern Colorado to Eastern Kentucky in just 24 hours. But a true road trip has no time limits. Your senses are awake and you're ready for anything!!

I would encourage anyone to see a little roadside America! Check out to see what's in your own back yard and get that spirit! Driving is freedom in the US and around every corner is something incredible, whether natural or man made, artistic or structured, it's all worth seeing!! 

Enjoy some crazy Roadside America photos from my year long cross country journey with A and as always
BPositive and BAdventurous!


The world's Largest Fork at 35 ft high (Springfield, MO)

A sculpture garden of bottles (South-Eastern CA on Rt 66)

A found route 66 sign made from volcanic rock (South-Eastern CA)

Shoe Tree (Amboy, CA)

An Alpine Village in the South (Helen, GA)

Giant Crayons at the Crayola Factory (Easton, PA)

Pumpkintown, SC

Lucus, KS

Fork Art (Lucus, KS)

Third Street Stuff a funky coffee house! (Lexington, KY)

The License Plate Shed (Somewhere in Western KY)

The worlds Largest ball of twine (Cawker City, KS)

The Tin Man at Dorothy's house (Liberal, KS)

Giant Book at the Library (Liberal, KS)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


I was recently invited to take a meditation class. I was quite enthused because lately, it's been challenging to learn how to turn off the noises in my head. Mainly, the stress, frustration and constant planning forever runs laps in my mind. Even when it's time to relax and watch a movie or take a hike or spend time taking a drive with A, I still go back to all my worries. All my fears.

This meditation class came at welcome time. Maybe I could find ways to turn these things off. And beyond just that, I thought it could help me still my restless body that is always fidgeting, itching, and squirming.

I'm proud to say that meditation has been really helping. Before bed it gives me a chance to clear out all the things that normally keep me up at night. And in the morning, it helps me start the day without feeling overwhelmed. Mostly I'm proud that I've given something a chance that normally scares me. It may seem silly to say that sitting still for 20 minutes is scary, but it is. What if I get an itch on my back that I'm not allowed to scratch? What if my foot falls asleep? What if my thoughts become negative and scary? What if I want to open my eyes?

But it's about surrendering, not controlling. Something I have a great deal to learn about! I've found that if I accept that my back has an itch and just surrender to it, it slowly goes away. If my thoughts turn to worry, I just say that small, but powerful mantra, that dissipates any notion. If I want to open my eyes, I remember that for this moment it's about being still and seeing nothing and that anything on the outside doesn't matter right now.

This morning I opened the sliding doors in my living room and sat down on my coach. It's feeling like late spring here, everyday getting into the mid to high 70's. The birds are so exciting and chirping up a storm. And after meditating for 20 minutes, my head feels very clear and very fresh. It feels ready to take on responsibility for the day and not get overwhelmed by it. It opens my heart to be able to pray and really listen to what is driving me today.

I really recommend taking a meditation class or even finding a practice in a book or online. It's rejuvenating and allows you to take time for yourself. Not to think, not to worry, not to figure out your problems, but to be blank for a while and refresh your senses.

Have a great Tuesday my friends!

BPositive and BInside Yourself!


Friday, March 18, 2011


Friends are people that never judge. They listen and relate even when their situation is different. And they care about us even when we make mistakes. It's true friends that we show who we really are in a "it's all or nothing" sort of fashion. These people make us feel loved and they cherish who we are deep down inside regardless of circumstance. I am so fortunate to have people that embrace me for who I am. Even when it's a little "off the beaten path..."

I'm realizing though, outside of certain friendships, I sensor myself. I keep quiet. I keep a large piece of who I am to myself. In theory, I don't care much about what other people think, but in action it seems like it may be something worrisome to me.

I was realizing this from the positive end of the spectrum while sitting around a small dinner table with three of my newest friends. Girls who are so new in my life, but inspire a more open and honest behavior from me that when I am usually spending time with new people. Each one of them is positive in their own way. Each one has a unique life story. Each one has a lifestyle that suits them well. And each one is not afraid to talk about who they are and what makes them happy, even if they know it may be different from others. They also aren't afraid to disagree with one another. Here we were all sitting together, different in many ways but having such a wonderful time. No one was judging one another or holding back who they were. So why can't we feel like this all the time? With all new friends? or even old friends?

When we are in environments that feel constricting, it's hard to be who we really are. The environment with my new friends is very open to all mindsets and lifestyles. It's so special, but that's not always the norm! It's so easy to close up inside, keep our comments to ourselves, and even agree with things that we don't agree with just to make things easier!

Holing-up over the long haul is very tiresome on the heart. I know my heart has been tired for a while, because my walls have been up. Meeting these new friends and writing this blog has opened me up again. It's made me realize that if someone else doesn't agree with me or they start judging me for my words and feelings...then that's okay. They don't have to agree and they can judge me if they want. But they're judgement doesn't have to affect me. Especially when I know there are places I can go and people I can be with that bring out my absolute best!

Judgement from others isn't always obvious either. Sometimes it's just the way the environment feels or it's having heard words of judgement been passed upon others. Having felt that before in many situations, it can be scary to be who you really are in those environments.

I also like to try and put shoes on from the other side and make sure that my behavior isn't judgmental from my end. Am I giving them the opportunity to hear what I have to say? Am I assuming that they will make me feel bad? Am I prejudging the situation before really giving it a fair chance? Some environments need a little more tender love and care than others! It doesn't mean they are not worth it.

All in all I feel best when I can say what's in my heart. Maybe the words come out strange or awkward or sappy, but they come out that way because they are natural. And if we can't let that shine through every single day than who are we really?

Be yourself today. Be who you are inside and out. Sure, some people will judge you, but most people won't! I suggest sticking with the ones who embrace who you really are. By hiding in your shell you're not giving people a chance to get to know the wonderful person that you are! Let your light shine through. I'm not judging :)

BPositive and BYourself!

Love Always,

Positive Friends


I just wanted to share some pictures of the first two positive message, recycled art work that have gone out to positive friends from my Etsy shop. I will be working hard to get more recycled art into the shop to share with others. Thank you for reading and taking part in the mission! This is very exciting!



Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Negativity Spreads Like Poison

While I was having a conversation with my husband A last night we brought light to a topic that I don't often speak outwardly about. Negativity. A and I find ourselves in meaningful conversations about our life, our decisions, our freedom and our plans fairly often and somehow the forefront of the conversations tend to stem from negative things: complaints, frustrations and hardships. When A brought this to my attention, it actually took me a back. Here I am writing my blog called BPositive! Telling people how important it is to have positivity and to share it, yet I'm offering A negativity and complaints. I felt terrible and confused. Negativity was never my intention.

A and I consider ourselves positive people with great lives and hopeful futures. We have a loving marriage and great communication. So are these deep talks derived from struggle? Why do I often spark conversations with A that begin with my tears and frustrations?

As A always does when I am struggling, the supportive husband that he is, he leaves me with these words of wisdom: It's the hard stuff that needs the love and attention. 

This not only helped me see some perspective, but it just made me feel better. Even though we had exchanged some words of frustration with one another just moments before, he showed me that no matter what, we continue to support one another. And that means nurturing the things that we struggle with. The things that make our hearts hurt.

The happy stuff tends to sit contently in our hearts and be expressed through smiles, laughter, and general positivity. In those times of contentment we don't need to analyze the depths of the emotion because we are just feeling it and living it. It's the hard stuff that requires our love and attention.

We both found some peace in this. We realized that we don't talk about negative stuff because we're negative people, but because we're sensitive to these things and find importance in their resolution.

But it got me thinking about negativity. It's easy to fixate on it, spread it, and let it run your life. There needs to be a line between caring and loving yourself during a hard time, and being destructive to yourself and others. I learned this lesson yesterday while I was driving to work. People were passing me on the right and just generally driving selfishly. It got me so mad and frustrated with others. On the surface it seemed like a ridiculous thing to get angry about, but I just felt so....affected. My day spiraled downward from there.

My theory is that when we're in a negative place, we can be quite impressionable. Our confidence is low and we let the influence of others wreak havoc on our emotions and ultimately our actions. And once you let the negativity of others penetrate your emotions, it takes off on a rampant attack of your day. I'm not proud that this happens to me, but I always promise to be honest with you here, so it does. It affects me terribly! I get irritable, annoyed with people, frustrated with myself, and just sad and down.

I'm learning the hard way that you cannot always physically remove yourself from a situation. Sometimes what you've committed to is not ideal and you're stuck in one place for a while. That's why you have to find inner peace and positivity.

On that drive to work yesterday,  I was not only letting the negativity affect me, but I was contributing to it. I was personally passing on negativity to others around me.

I wish I could say there are simple steps to just turn off negative thoughts and feelings. Right now I just wish I had a magic wand that would freeze everything in time so I can take a deep breath. But here is what I believe: When you  remind yourself of who you are and what you feel in your heart you will be more equip to combat your surrounding no matter how ridiculous the setting may be. It's a bubble of self worth and value that absolutely cannot be penetrated. If your heart and spirit are truly positive, (and I know that they are) you can defeat the negativity around you.

With all that being said, I have been made aware of my own personal negativity that comes out when I need to talk to A about things. I fixate on the struggle and the frustration. And while I pour positivity into my blog, my artwork, my friends/family, my home,  and into the care of A as my husband and my partner, I don't often take the time to just bring up discussions of how far we've come, how much we've grown, and how proud I am of him.

We will continue to love and care for the struggles and frustrations in our hearts because that is how we grow. But I know I will be more aware of the positive nature of what's happening around me. The opposing side of my struggles, frustrations, and fears. There's so much to be positive and be thankful for.

I dedicate this entry to my husband A. I love you and I am so proud of you.

BPositive and BStrong in your Positivity

Love Always,

Friday, March 11, 2011

Messages of Prayer

BPositive is sending out messages of prayer to people suffering from the tragic effects of the earthquake and tsunami. 

With mass groups of people praying, we can make a positive difference in a lot of people's lives. I will be creating prayer signs today and they will be up on Etsy today. If you want to make your own prayer signs and send images of them, I would be proud to display them on the blog. 

Thank you for your prayers. Know that they will really be helping people!



Thursday, March 10, 2011

BPositive BFree

Friendship, encouragement, love and positivity will set us free...

Join me in the artistic trenches and lets get people feeling good! I'm looking for input on some new positive messages/words. Message ideas or art concepts are welcomed and encouraged. You may comment on the blog with your ideas or send an e mail with your idea to Thanks!

BPositive and BFree!


Thursday, March 3, 2011

Find Some Change When Time Stands Still

As many of my readers know, I have traveled to some really excited places and seen beautiful and inspirational sites. As many of you also know, I am currently living in a small town that often has me craving the more nomadic lifestyle of my past. Sometimes weeks go by here, I look around, and what has happened?.... Nothing. The daydreamer inside of me thinks about my travels and how I was changing, morphing, learning, and seeing new things everyday. And now...Nothing!

But traveling and seeing new sites are the obvious ways to experience growth. I see a new natural landmark, I mark it in my memory. I am changed by that. I move on to the next scenic vista and suddenly everything is different. Just like that.

The harder but possibly more productive times of growth happen when our daily scenery does not rapidly change before our eyes. You can have both. I want you to have both! But I have found that some of my more meaningful changes have happened during some pretty boring living scenarios.

If we want to thrive we need to forever be growing no matter where we live or what we do. At least that is the philosophy that I have adopted in my life. 

People, like trees, must grow or die. There's no standing still. A tree dies when its roots become blocked. A human being becomes mentally and spiritually, and eventually physically, dead when the circumstances of his life keep him from achieving. Psychologists and sociologists spend their lives trying to patch up individuals and institutions that have stopped growing. -- Joseph Shore

I was talking to M today on the phone. It had been a week and a half since we touched base which is a monumentally long time for us. So much had been happening to her and I felt like we hadn’t connected in ages. When she asked what had been going on with me during our gap I realized that outwardly, nothing had been happening.  And I simply told her "nothing" in fear of beating to death my old stories with the monotony stick. 

Of course, M would never mind hearing the old stuff again. She would encourage me to talk. But  frankly, I didn't want to tell those old sob stories . I didn't want to continue to relive them over and over again. I wanted to feel like I was moving forward and growing, not feeling sorry for myself and relying on pity to get by.

While purposely ignoring the accounts of the week and walking in the sunshine talking to M, I realized that I was quite content. And instead of those nagging frustrations of everyday life, I wanted to share the things with her that had changed over the past week. It dawned on me that a lot had happened this week....Inside. 

I just love growing from within. It's a constant adventure within myself. It doesn't require perfect scenery, or lots of money, or fancy food, or even certain people to share it with. The only thing I need is me. Me with an open mind and an open heart. And since I am always stuck with myself, I'd like to make the very best of it!

So I dove right in and told M how much I had grown this week: Everyday I am continuing to understand my capabilities, my strengths and weaknesses a little bit better. I am listening to my heart and understanding what my gut tells me. I am letting go of my controlling ways and allowing life to just happen. I am slowing down to take in the things about life that are beautiful. I take time to be thankful for what I do have and not dwell on what I don’t have. And I am allowing myself to look positively into the future to see what could be out there for me.

After saying it out loud I knew it was all true. I felt it in the very core. How can that not be news from the past week? How could I have been so ignorant to my own growth and development as a person. 

I really want to let people out there know that times do get hard. Life can sometimes seem monotonous. There may be struggle that feels insurmountable. I feel your pain. I really do. On the opposite spectrum, I know the highs of life; The carefree, fly by the seat of your pants, adventurous spirit approach. No matter what situation you are in, you always have the power to explore who you are.

I know I feel the loneliest and saddest when I don’t let myself grow. I don't like the way I look on the outside and I feel uninspired to write and create. But I feel proud, hopeful and content when I know my heart is being cared for... by me. The love of others, alone cannot fight off the feelings of loneliness or discontent. Your hearts needs you to feel love for yourself. 

There is no time in our lives that is not important. No matter how mundane it feels. Every minute is an opportunity to continue to grow. And it doesn't matter how you do it! It's personalized to you. I just love knowing that at any moment I have the choice to take a walk in the sunshine to do some self exploration. Or just close my eyes, wherever I am, and tell myself that "everything is going to be okay."  We may be bound to certain hours of the day but if we are really honest with ourselves, there is always time to do these things. The times that we may watching TV or sitting indoors eating lunch or playing around on Facebook (guilty as charged!) And sometimes it's good to say "I choose me." I choose me over anything else right now because I am important and I deserve to invest time into myself.

Feeling good on the inside makes things much more beautiful on the outside. We're able to handle a lot more based on that inner strength. So do it for you. Give yourself some love and allow yourself to explore who you are. Because if we're not growing, what are we doing?

BPositive and BForever Growing!

Love always,

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Let Go

Are you ever holding on so tight that you realize you're not taking time to take deep breaths? Tightening your chest to the point that it feels tired and achy at the end of the day? It's exhausting when you're gripping your actions with ferocity and vigor. Sometimes you just have to let go...

While chatting with my cousin R yesterday, I was feeling a little down. She's getting ready to travel to the U.S from London on a big trip and due to some circumstances on my end, I may not get a chance to travel to see her where she will be visiting. "I'm freaking out," I told her. "I hate this." I felt her sympathy even through the text on the phone and she told me "It's all going to work out okay. It always does." 

These words really soothed me. I felt comforted and it reminded me, that things do really work out okay in the end. Maybe they won't happen exactly the way I expect them to, but they work out. Some how. Some way...

But it's just so hard to let go sometimes. We want so badly to control and manipulate the outcomes. But maybe the outcome is not supposed to be what we force it to be. My mother-in-law has a saying: "Let Go and Let God. She often tells this to my husband when he's trying to hard to make things perfect in our lives. When he's searching for his purpose and feeling unsuccessful. I always liked this saying of hers but never really took the time to let it settle into my heart.

So here I sit typing. I'm struggling to let go but I know that I must.  I have to let go and let God and open up my heart to all the possibilities and not just the outcome that I prefer.

So today I meditated on the words SURRENDER and LET GO. I ask, I want, and I believe (sort of) but ultimately I control, control, control. And that's not really believing or trusting God is it? 

I know what my heart wants. I know what I am capable of doing. I also know that my expectations are often so high that even I can't live up to them.   

The important part of letting go of my pursuit is to know what my heart wants, believe that the outcome is exactly what it is supposed to be and trust that even if the outcome is hard or not what I expected, I have love and support internally to remind me that I still have a lot to be thankful for. The actions will present themselves to me. The right actions. Not the forced ones. 

My friend B is such a good example of this. I know she won't mind me talking a little bit about her story because she is a beautiful person with incredible strength.  

B has overcome many obstacles. Obstacles that have made her stronger. But she still faces things that she wish she were no longer dealing with. She is in the midst of studying in a program that she no longer has great passion for. There were high expectations of this program and what the outcome would ultimately be. And as the end nears closer, she wonders if her dreams in life are in any way related to all this time, effort and money that she dedicated to the program. It's frustrating for her and sometimes she has regrets. But when we talk about it she is often able to find peace with this current journey she is taking.  She has a freedom and a right to look into her heart and see the ways that this program got her exactly to where she is right now; stronger, braver and more adventurous. She's become a person who is not afraid to travel, live alone in an unfamiliar place, take risks that most people could never understand, and put faith in the fact that paths will be illuminated to her. Probably unexpected and exciting paths. Maybe even scary paths. But paths nonetheless. 

She once quoted to me (B loves quotes!):

"In a serene Bright, in a more golden Light, I see each little doubt and fear, each little discord here Removed". -Emily Dickinson

I like this quote because sometimes we are able to really pin point every single doubt and fear we have about our current path. We tend to have a heightened sense to these fears and doubts and we look to find truth in them from our surroundings. We try and confirm them and buy into them so that we don't have to follow through. Because it's just easier to quit sometimes. But I think if we really want to give the path we are on a fair shot, even if it's an nontraditional path, we have to let go of those fears, let go of our expectations and let the help of others and God support us. 

B really inspires me. She is a good example of someone who has a lot to deal with and a lot to let go of. And letting go is a challenge every single day. But she does it and she moves forward on this bumpy path. And when we step outside of the situation we can see how far she has come! I personally know what she has deep down in her heart and I have had the blessing to watch her grow into the person she is right now. I think that's what is so beautiful about life...we don't live it alone and we get to experience each others journeys. 

So as I meditate on my new concepts, SURRENDER and LET GO I have some new clarity of how all this is supposed to work. When I'm controlling my path, I feel constricted, anxious and worried all the time. But when I let go of hard expectations, disappointments and fear, I realize that the worst of the worst really isn't that bad. And I am able to receive things that otherwise I have difficulty seeing! Sometimes a new path opens up even when I'm not looking for one. I love that part of life. It's so exciting and keeps everything new. Who am I to control things anyway?? 

Today I just want to let life happen and take it as it comes :)

BPositive and BFree from Control!

Love always,