Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Negativity Spreads Like Poison

While I was having a conversation with my husband A last night we brought light to a topic that I don't often speak outwardly about. Negativity. A and I find ourselves in meaningful conversations about our life, our decisions, our freedom and our plans fairly often and somehow the forefront of the conversations tend to stem from negative things: complaints, frustrations and hardships. When A brought this to my attention, it actually took me a back. Here I am writing my blog called BPositive! Telling people how important it is to have positivity and to share it, yet I'm offering A negativity and complaints. I felt terrible and confused. Negativity was never my intention.

A and I consider ourselves positive people with great lives and hopeful futures. We have a loving marriage and great communication. So are these deep talks derived from struggle? Why do I often spark conversations with A that begin with my tears and frustrations?

As A always does when I am struggling, the supportive husband that he is, he leaves me with these words of wisdom: It's the hard stuff that needs the love and attention. 

This not only helped me see some perspective, but it just made me feel better. Even though we had exchanged some words of frustration with one another just moments before, he showed me that no matter what, we continue to support one another. And that means nurturing the things that we struggle with. The things that make our hearts hurt.

The happy stuff tends to sit contently in our hearts and be expressed through smiles, laughter, and general positivity. In those times of contentment we don't need to analyze the depths of the emotion because we are just feeling it and living it. It's the hard stuff that requires our love and attention.

We both found some peace in this. We realized that we don't talk about negative stuff because we're negative people, but because we're sensitive to these things and find importance in their resolution.

But it got me thinking about negativity. It's easy to fixate on it, spread it, and let it run your life. There needs to be a line between caring and loving yourself during a hard time, and being destructive to yourself and others. I learned this lesson yesterday while I was driving to work. People were passing me on the right and just generally driving selfishly. It got me so mad and frustrated with others. On the surface it seemed like a ridiculous thing to get angry about, but I just felt so....affected. My day spiraled downward from there.

My theory is that when we're in a negative place, we can be quite impressionable. Our confidence is low and we let the influence of others wreak havoc on our emotions and ultimately our actions. And once you let the negativity of others penetrate your emotions, it takes off on a rampant attack of your day. I'm not proud that this happens to me, but I always promise to be honest with you here, so it does. It affects me terribly! I get irritable, annoyed with people, frustrated with myself, and just sad and down.

I'm learning the hard way that you cannot always physically remove yourself from a situation. Sometimes what you've committed to is not ideal and you're stuck in one place for a while. That's why you have to find inner peace and positivity.

On that drive to work yesterday,  I was not only letting the negativity affect me, but I was contributing to it. I was personally passing on negativity to others around me.

I wish I could say there are simple steps to just turn off negative thoughts and feelings. Right now I just wish I had a magic wand that would freeze everything in time so I can take a deep breath. But here is what I believe: When you  remind yourself of who you are and what you feel in your heart you will be more equip to combat your surrounding no matter how ridiculous the setting may be. It's a bubble of self worth and value that absolutely cannot be penetrated. If your heart and spirit are truly positive, (and I know that they are) you can defeat the negativity around you.

With all that being said, I have been made aware of my own personal negativity that comes out when I need to talk to A about things. I fixate on the struggle and the frustration. And while I pour positivity into my blog, my artwork, my friends/family, my home,  and into the care of A as my husband and my partner, I don't often take the time to just bring up discussions of how far we've come, how much we've grown, and how proud I am of him.

We will continue to love and care for the struggles and frustrations in our hearts because that is how we grow. But I know I will be more aware of the positive nature of what's happening around me. The opposing side of my struggles, frustrations, and fears. There's so much to be positive and be thankful for.

I dedicate this entry to my husband A. I love you and I am so proud of you.

BPositive and BStrong in your Positivity

Love Always,

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