Wednesday, June 29, 2011

These feet were made for walking

I always knew that I was a private person. It was never really in my nature to share information unless someone asked. My tendency has always been to internalize until things feel a bit too intense. Sometimes I am shocked by what I write here in this blog and share with so many people!

This week I was awakened a little to just how introverted I can be.  It has really opened my internal and external eyes.

I sat last night with my close friend B. She took the time to visit me all the way from the Northeast in a time that was less than ideal for both of us. We both knew this and willingly proceeded further with our plans knowing that we just wanted time together even if that meant not having crazy adventures each day.

I was instantly comforted by her presence. Due to my nomadic lifestyle with A, I often don't have my friends and family close at hand. B is a piece of home and a reminder of years of growing through college and beyond.

But not physically having people around me who know me well, makes me realize how much of my inner dialogue I keep to myself. I'm not used to having someone present who knows me so well to just talk, talk, talk to.

I spent the week leaking out spurts of my life,  bearing all external circumstances but keeping a tight grip on my inner workings. I didn't fear that I wouldn't be accepted and I didn't think my changes would damage our friendship, but I just wasn't accustomed to sharing everything so freely.

But ultimately it occurred to me that by stewing in my own thoughts, I was standing still. The motions happened around me. There was chatter and laughter and reminiscing. But I was not growing from any of those things. Because my mouth was shut and my words were silent.

My feet are not meant to stand in one spot. It's like standing on the ocean shore at the beach. Your feet sink further and further into the mud as the crashing waves erode everything around you. You don't move anywhere. You just sink. You forever sink into your own thoughts.

DSCN0077 by springknitter

So I put on my shoes and I decided to start walking. On the last night that B was here, I took a step, opened my heart and let the words pour out.

DSCN0245 by springknitter

And it was the honesty that brought us hand in hand walking forward together.

DSCN0316 by springknitter

Our friendship was never in danger, but I was in danger of sinking my own potential to grow with another person. The longer you stand on the shore the deeper you go and the harder it is to get out. But it's never impossible and it's never too late.

These feet were made for walking forward. They were made to climb trees, mountains, canyons and more. They are strong and willing. But they can't go anywhere without the help of my open and honest heart.

BPositive and BWalking in Honesty!


Thursday, June 23, 2011

make mistakes, learn, and grow!

The past few days I've been allowing myself to be on edge about a lot of things. I haven't been feeling quite like myself and haven't been sleeping very well. Do you ever get really vivid dreams when you're trying to control your life too much? I'm dreaming about all the things that weigh on my mind through out the day. And it's exhausting!

I'm thankful for this realization today. I don't look back at the last few days, angry with my behavior. I look at it as a learning experience. Now I can take a look at my actions and my behaviors and decide if I want to continue to proceed forward with stress and frustration.

I believe with all of my heart that I will feel better if I just go with the flow a little more. I don't want to be frustrated with traffic or bad weather. I don't want to constantly be worrying about if I'm going to win this blog contest. I don't want to be irritable with other people based on their behaviors. That's all reactive! And for some time now I have practice being a person who receives and but does not react.

A person who is peaceful and happy from within knows that she can't change those things. People are who they are. They will do what they will do. And I will love them for that and not be angry. Besides, things have a way of working themselves out when we just relax a little, right?

This is a picture that A took of me while we were on a little exploratory adventure of our new home last weekend. We found a little spot that said "No Trespassing" and of course proceeded through to take some pictures, the rebels that we are. I love this picture. He framed it so perfectly. And to me it just reminds me of how good I feel when I just let go....

DSCN0050 by springknitter

I think there is a reason I am here writing, sharing and always creating. I'm thankful for being reminded of that from time to time. Everyday, A and I share something that we are thankful for with each other. Usually right when we wake up in the morning. I knew I was thankful for this blog, this medium to create and share. This place that is safe and supportive and all my own. But today it's an overwhelming rush of gratitude, and I wanted to share that with you all today. You are wonderful listeners. 

So if you've been acting a little unlike yourself, or your behavior, in your opinion has been less than perfect, don't be to hard on yourself. Just use it as a reminder that we're imperfect sometimes and that's okay. Learn from it and decide what's next. And maybe the next step is as simple as smiling when you wake up, greeting the day with open arms, and saying what you are thankful for.

Thanks for all your support that last few days with the blog. You are all wonderful friends and I am so thankful.

BPositive and BOkay with Making Mistakes (but don't forget to learn from them!)

Love always,

Monday, June 20, 2011


BStrong. BConfident. BVulnerable. BTrue.
BLoving. BKind. BUnderstanding. BYou.
BPatient. BFriendly. BHonest. Just Be.
BPositive. BOpen. Spread your wings and BFree.


Sunday, June 19, 2011

Thank you Alicia Silverstone

I wanted to take the time to thank Alicia Silverstone for featuring my blog on her website The Kind Life. The Kind Life ( is an incredibly supportive community of vegan's, vegetarians, and people who love the planet and all of its beings. Reading Alicia's book The Kind Diet made a significant impact on my life. I feel healthier, happier and more at peace with my diet and lifestyle.

After being featured on The Kind Life a couple of months ago: I gained a lot more confidence in my blog writing. I've gotten a lot more traffic on the site and I am finding new angles of things to write about.

I am so grateful for all of these things. I decided as a thank you I would make a blog sign for Alicia and send it to her. And I thought I'd share what I made with all of you.

DSCN0098 by springknitter

Thanks everyone for all the voting you've done for the blog. Lets keep up the voting!! Here's the link again if you need it. The post to vote for is called:

The Accomplishment of Being by Rebecca Tillinghast

I need everyone to vote once a day until July 4th! Thanks for your continuing support!

BPositive and like Alicia Silverstone would say...BKind!!!


Saturday, June 18, 2011

Bpositive BFree needs your votes!

Hi my amazing friends!

BPositive. BFree is now a top 10 finalist in the Lovable Labels BlogHer' 11 getaway contest! It's all of you who give me the support and encouragement to write and share. This is a very exciting time for the blog! I could use all of your help now. In order to win, I need your votes!

All you need to do is click on this link (it brings you to the lovable labels facebook fan page)

and vote for my blog post entitle The Accomplishment of Being by Rebecca Tillinghast. Please vote one time per day. EVERYDAY until July 4th. 

Thanks again for all your support on this journey!

BPositive and BFree!


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Accomplishment of Being

The Accomplishment of Being: The Journey is Everything

DSCN0033 by springknitter

I've been asked to write about my greatest accomplishment for a blog contest called Lovable Labels BlogHer' 11 Getaway Contest held by Lovable Labels ( ). It just so happens this topic is perfect because it fits snugly into some ideas I have been pondering over the past couple of weeks during my big move to Florida.

Superlatives. In the past they've been quite important to me. As a gymnast I felt pride in holding state championships. In high school I gushed over my 'best smile' superlative in the yearbook. Even recently I completed my first marathon and felt incredibly accomplished.  Who doesn't like winning? Being on top? Doing the impossible?

So why do none of these incredible life accomplishments of my past and present feel worth writing about?

My whole life I've wanted to be perfect at everything. The perfect gymnast with the perfect form. The perfect student with the excellent grades. A perfect friend who is always there for everyone. And I've always needed everything around me to go exactly as planned.

But now here I sit in a coffee shop in a new town. I've been in Pensacola only one week. The shop is not perfect. It's sort of retro meets modern fusion. I prefer something more cozy and rustic. The coffee was expensive and I am sitting at the bar area where I can barely reach my keyboard. I spent about 45 minutes walking around town with my lap top bag in 90 degree weather only to find no place that suits my coffee/blog writing atmosphere needs. So I settled into a not so perfect place, with a not so perfect cup, and not so perfect ambiance.

But unlike my past self who always needed everything to be perfect, I'm smiling. I'm smiling like I've never been able to smile before. I'm smiling from deep within myself. And I'm smiling because things are not so perfect.

I believe this to be my journey toward my most incredible accomplishment of all.

The accomplishment of being. The accomplishment of feeling proud, happy, and passionate about life, simply because, I am who I am. The accomplishment is learning to grow and change and deal with all the imperfections in the world and see them not as a nuisance, but as an opportunity. An opportunity to thrive and be content in who we are.

With all my past and recent accomplishments as well as all my slip ups and mishaps I am reminded of my journey.  Every step of my life is part of my journey right now. My move to Florida, my trip to the beach last night, my good morning kiss to my husband, my sweltering walk around downtown, my imperfect cup of coffee... it's all part of the process. And recognizing that even the bumps are important?  Well that is an incredible accomplishment.

I am not finished with my journey yet. In fact my journey may last the entirety of my life. But being on this journey feels like my greatest accomplishment yet. I am grateful for every opportunity to practice just being who I am, finding patience and tolerance with everyone around me, and finding a greater peace from within. After all, don't those components really help me to live a much happier and content life? And ultimately as a writer this allows me to pass on my understanding of life to others and hopefully spread a little joy and compassion. As long as I'm spreading words of love, I know I am on the right path.

I'll leave you with a quote from the Dalai Lama:

By developing greater tolerance and patience, it will be easier for you to develop your capacity for compassion, and through that, altruism.

And what could be better for this world than peace, happiness, and compassion for others? I can't think of anything.

BPositive and BFree to BE!

LOve always,

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I Can't Fix You

I have many revelations everyday. For this I am thankful. This morning I had an important revelation. One that has been building over time. But today the words came out perfect, simple and sincere.

"I Can't Fix You"

The 'You' relates to so people. People I don't know who I come across on the street. People I interact with in the bank and the supermarket. People I love dearly and who are close to me. People who are friends or acquaintances. We all have a 'You' in our lives that we want to fix. Because we want this 'You' to be happy all the time!

As a person with a caretaker's instinct, a need to control my surroundings, and just wanting everyone around me to be happy, I am often a slave to others' discomforts. I want to do the right things that will take away their stress and shower them with positivity when they are feeling negative.

But when does this actually work?

Lately, I'm realizing that it almost never works. Mainly because I am trying to help when people don't really need or want it.

And there is nothing wrong with that. It's simply not my job! Of course they don't want it! They want to make themselves feel better!

So...My Revelation again, so simple:

I Can't Fix You.

You don't need or want to be fixed.
You feel stressed.
I can't de-stress you.
Only you can.
You feel negative.
I can't smother you with positivity.
You have to want to be positive.
You feel tired.
I can't fix your sleep.
You feel anxious.
I can't relax you.
You have to find peace within yourself.

What a load off my shoulders! And likely a load off of everyone else's, who didn't need my help anyway!


But here I am wondering; what can I do?

I can support you.
I can love you.
I can care for you in the ways I know how.
I can listen.
I can talk when you ask for advice or perspective.
I can be myself.
And that's about it.
But that has to be enough.
Because I am who I am.
And so are you :)

I'm not saying to be selfish and only worry about yourself. Loving, supporting, helping, listening, etc. is so important especially if the people in your life are in a time of need in some way. But make sure they need and want your help. And if they're feeling negative, frustrated or anxious, know that it's not your job to fix those things. You'll only end up frustrating yourself and feeling unwanted when they don't receive your 'fix.' Just be there, and be you.

Till next time! I've got some new blog art on the way and a post that I'll be submitting in a competition...

Here's a preview..

The contest has me writing about my biggest accomplishment to date. This is a little tricky for me as I am not much of a superlative person. But I think I have some ideas. And it will likely be posted with a nice, new pink blog sign! What ever will the positive message be?

BPositive and BSupportive but not a Fix-It person! Just B your Sunshiny self!


Monday, June 6, 2011

Some New Creations

Hi my friends,

So as many of you know I am in the middle of a move! I've been fortunate enough to have time to blog and put up new photos recently. But as today it's time to really get my hands dirty and get this move underway. I will be taking a [short] hiatus starting this afternoon. But when I come back I know I will have a lot of new stories and adventures to share! Thanks for all of your support and friendship thus far. I know I have sent out many blog signs over the past few weeks to many of you! That is always a blessing to me. I'll leave you with some fun past and present projects and will back as soon as I've got the Internet hooked up!

Turning My yard sale junk into treasures!

Coffee Pot Kitchen Sign/Vase

Peaceful Kitchen

Handmade/sewn headband made from recycled lace and ribbon

Lamp Shade cover made from old lace doilies, vintage buttons and vintage hanker chiefs

Knit Vegetable rattles for my friends two little baby boys

A sign for growth for my wonderful Mother-in-Law

My first attempt at a bound journal made from recycle cereal boxes an recycled paper

A collage birthday card for my wonderful friend J

It's so fun to look back at all these projects! Some old and some just completed. It gets me excited to settle into a new home and get some new inspiration for different kinds of art.
Next time I write it will be from Sunny Florida! Signing off for now.

BPositive and BFree!


It's 3 am

Well it's 3 am and here I am blogging. I guess this is how it goes sometimes when your husband works all hours into the night and your temporary bedroom is in the home office. We're in the middle of a move so I understood from the beginning that I'd be losing some control over things for a while. Food, sleep, time with A...

There's a lot going through my head right now. I'm angry that I can go and sleep knowing that I'm getting up in a few hours to meet a friend. I'm sad because my personal time with A has dwindled to pretty much nothing lately. And I'm overwhelmed in gerneral.
But this all brings me back to the same topic over and over again. I'm not living for the present

As I lay here on the couch downstairs, it is dark, quiet and calm. It's comfortable and of course at 5 feet I have no problem stretching out on the couch. Even though I'm tired I lay wide awake worrying, being angry, and wondering how bad I will feel in the morning. But what part of any of those feelings is living presently in the moment? How is worrying about tomorrow helping me be here, present and happy?

Well, it's not! I'm miserable and more awake! This is a good reminder for me. I always thought that something I was good at was being flexible, laid back, and easy going. But after this routine of late nights, little sleep, and having to find comfort in a place that is not mine I realize how much room I still have to grow.

I'm not yet in a place in my life where I can truly sleep anywhere. But I want to be. I want to learn from these moments and find peace within myself no matter what kind of chaos is going on around me. I know I'm capable of that, but it's up to me to do it. It's not anyone elses fault that I've been up all night feeling angry. That's my doing. Only I can choose to feel that way.

And now I choose not too. Sweet dreams to anyone who may be having trouble with sleep tonight too. Just remember this moment is this moment and nothing else.

BPositive and BPresent!


Sunday, June 5, 2011

A Love Story

DSCN9809 by springknitter
A gift for L.

My tea tastes like California this morning...

I love California. I love the smell of Eucalyptus and Sage, Pacific Mist and Redwood Bliss.

This morning I am filled with love because my tea tastes like California. It makes me smile. Helps me remember. Gives Inspiration. And makes me want to share stories.

But this post is not about my love affair with California. It just put me in a mood to write about something loving today!

A few weeks ago I finished a book that just melted my heart. It was so full of love and compassion and I just have to share it with you!

The book was given to me by my good friend R. It came in a package with a note that said...

my mom had gave me this book and it was one of the sweetest things. I thought I would enjoy it.

...It doesn't take me long to dive into a recommendation. Especially one labeled sweet (I'm a sucker for a sweet story!)

A brief synopsis of Grayson:
L was 15 years old at the time, training in open water of the coast of California for long distance swims. She was accustomed to the natural movements of the ocean and all of its beings dwelling beneath each stroke of her arm and kick of her foot.  But one day the water felt very different, almost eerie and strange. What resulted, left a lasting impression on L, enough for her to write a book and share her story. Grayson, was a baby whale, lost from his mother, who took to L as she swam laps. Lost and scared, Grayson and L became friends as urgency grew for Grayson to find his mother. As the story transpires, you learn about all beings' ability to love and a community that comes together to make the impossible happen. 

What struck me as so moving in this story is that love is a broad emotion! Love is about how we treat all living beings. Love is about community and support. Love is about not giving up and sharing what is important to us. I was so filled with love after reading this book that I had to share my thoughts with all of you. I highly recommend everyone to read this sweet wonderful story! And if any of you have read it, please feel free to comment and let me know what you though of it!

As I expressed in my last entry, I am learning to ask and listen when something really affects me. Well after I experienced my own love for the book Grayson, I decided I had to write to the author and tell her how much her words affected and inspired me. L, who wrote Grayson is one of the sweetest people I have ever corresponded with. She listened, answered questions, and gave me a plethora of advice as a budding writer.

Talking with L re-ignited my faith in helpful, giving, and loving people out there. Even when those people start out as complete strangers!

One of the things I spoke with L about is how I felt that her story was about not just human love, but love for all creatures in this world. L told me she likes to think of all of us, humans and animals as beings. I liked this perspective and felt really connected to that word. A part of me always felt a little silly about how strongly I felt toward animals. How much love I felt toward them and how much they meant to me. But truly, L is right. They are beings capable of giving us love and receiving love from us.

It's no coincidence when M comes and sits next to me when I'm feeling down!

And B, back home at my parents house is such an amazing companion. I've watched him become an incredible friend to my dad. There is such a clear love between them! 

It was L's love for Grayson, and Grayson's love for L that allowed her to push her limits for Grayson's benefit. Their journey together was one of love and compassion. It was a lesson of strength, endurance and true ability to stay positive and hopeful. One of my favorite quotes in the book says:

"the important things take time, sometimes they don't happen all at once, sometimes answers come out of time and struggle, and learning. Sometimes you have to try again in a different way."

I will leave you with that to think about and sign off for the day. With a lot of changes happening in my life, I feel that L's story and friendship has given me strength and belief in love of all kind. I'm changed for having read it.

Thank you L for you story and your friendship! I very much appreciate you and your writing!

BPostive my friends! And BLoving!

Love always,

Thursday, June 2, 2011

My Stranger My Friend

DSCN9766 by springknitter

I got this urge to travel this morning. I pictured myself going all over the world and reporting what I learn about on my blog and sharing it with all of you! But I don't want to just travel. I want to truly explore and meet people. I want to Spend time with them immersing myself in their culture and daily practices. I want to meet strangers, and become their friend.

I've been e-mailing with a new friend in Washington, D.C. We connected through e mail when I contacted him after reading an article he wrote ( right after the death of bin Laden. The words in his article really spoke to me and I've been making a promise to myself to reach out to people when I feel this way.

R is an Arab-American pacifist and writer. He's worked on peace and justice projects in the United States, Europe and the Middle-East. Most recently, he served on the board of directors for the Free Gaza Movement in 2009-2010.  R is the 2004 recipient of the Georgetown University Program on Justice and Peace Peacemakers Award for his work in Iraq, and the 2010 recipient of the American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee's Rachel Corrie Award, for his work in Palestine. His essays have appeared in various newspapers and magazines, including the Houston Chronicle and Denver Post, as well as online with CommonDreams and Counterpunch. R most recently worked as an organizer for the Free Gaza Movement ( helping to organize non-violent sea challenges to the Israeli blockade of Gaza.

As R and I continued to write back and forth I realized that he had a lot of things to teach me from his personal experiences. Things that I have never really been knowledgeable about or even things that for my entire life I'd only heard one side of.

I decided it was best for me and the purpose of this post to a. read everything R had to share with me b. Understand everything to the best of my ability c. Ask questions, even hard ones, and d. this may sound strange...but ultimately not post my opinions.

I feel more knowledgeable, educated and essentially more at peace just being able to understand all sides of things. Personally, I'm not out there and changing things from the front line, but I have a lot of positivity and peace inside me that I can do my best to emit to anyone I get a chance to meet. I guess my one and only opinion about any topic if that if we listen and learn there is a lot less fear and a lot more understanding. I'm really glad to know about R's passions and accomplishments in making a more peaceful world.

When I asked R about his feeling on the ways in which we can all work toward a more peaceful world, he simply yet eloquently stated:

"I think nonviolent action is the only effective means of affecting positive change - anywhere in the world. I don't want to minimize cultural differences between different people and places, but we are all human & we do usually act & respond to things in very similar ways"

This statement is so precious to me. It reminds me that we do have cultural differences. We do have differences in opinion. We do come from all over the world and do many different things. But as R says, we are all human. And we must look out for one another.  

With all that in mind, I think I was brought to R because I felt moved by his words in an article that he wrote and I felt it prudent to learn about him and other things that he stands for. Listening and learning is the only way to truly find peace as a whole society. And I feel this is what I am meant to be doing. And it's amazing how much we can all have in common when it all comes down to it.

R and I also have a favorite book in common which made me smile. 

I'm really thankful to be able to push through fears and talk to people I don't know. And I am incredibly thankful that others are willing to talk with me about their lives and let me share with whoever wants to listen.

To my new friend R and a new journey of exploring, learning and growing!

photo-2 by springknitter

BPositive and BOpen!


Wednesday, June 1, 2011


photo-3 by springknitter

I accept who I am.

All my faults and all my beauty.

I don't feel this way everyday, but today I'm inspired just to be me.

I hope this can help anyone else who reads it feel the same way.

You are who you are and I accept you :)

BPositive and BAccepting of Who You Are!