Sunday, August 31, 2014

At The Speed Of Life

I was thinking about the ebbs and flow of friendship this morning. Some paths diverge while others find a new common road and become in sync travel companions. My natural instinct is to "fix" the relationship that seems to be off kilter. But does it really need fixing? Or does it just need love, compassion and a little bit of time and understanding. Maybe the divergent paths are critical to longterm success of the friendship. And maybe the space that these separate roads bring us are just the fresh air we need to breathe.

Life in general feels like continual forks in the road lately. Some days I can't believe how efficient and accomplished I travel through my day. Other times I cannot understand who that super woman was soaring through the air.

I haven't however, been reprimanding myself for hanging up my super hero suit. Because life has a million different settings from, knitting on the couch all day to working 12 hours and still finding time to workout, make dinner, and not be too tired to give yourself a pat on the back. And while, the overachiever in me does enjoy the days of great "success," I am starting to understand that success comes from the slower settings as well.

I was collaging in a journal one evening, trying to find some understanding of my unrest. It was a Friday night. I felt a little queasy and exhausted from being in my first trimester still, and I bailed on a good friend to go home and sit in my own sort of misery to rest, but I simply couldn't. I felt guilty for not going out, I felt lazy for considering the option of watching TV, and I felt ugly and tired and fidgety. I gave myself a spiritual task for the night to try and find some answers. Based on a previous project I participated in, I was to find words and/or images that provide a name for my current path. "She was being true to herself," was the first phrase that made an impact, and more strongly even was "at the speed of life." Together they really spoke to me about what was happening inside. When I was feeling unrest and discomfort I needed to ask myself if I was really being true to my self, but also be kind to myself about the speed at which I was living.

I love a phrase that has a different meaning everything single day, and maybe even throughout the same day. It was a reminder to look at my needs for the day and go at that speed. It helped me be more patient with myself and took away the guilt of taking what I needed.

I look at this collaged phrase often because I tend to be hard on myself when I'm not wearing the so called super hero suit. I try to be mindful and tell myself to wear whatever suit I need to that day. Even on days where it feels like I don't have a choice (a work day, a travel day, a bill paying day) I remember that I do have a choice. I can take these actions at a speed that works for me internally and not allow the tasks around me to determine how I react.

I write about this today because I think today needs to flow at whatever speed we need it to and that includes the chores, the fun activities, the family time, friendships, and anything else that may be pulling us in a million different directions. Have some patience and know that the life you are living today is the absolute perfect speed. It is your current speed of life.

BPositive and BFree!


Sunday, August 10, 2014

A Very Merry UnBirthday

I've missed blogging. I've missed sharing a piece if myself and having a space for all the things I think are beautiful. I haven't been hiding. I've been living. Just like I was living while I was blogging. But today I just missed it so here I am. I am blogging again on August 10th, the day after my 29th birthday.

This morning I am knitting. And knitting always gets me thinking. It's so methodical and meditative. It's hard not to let my thoughts wander...

...maybe I should get back on my blog...maybe I should revamp  my blog...maybe I should call my mom...or paint another flower pot for my front my vitamin making me sick?...I feel a little nauseous..or maybe I'm just hungry...Pregnancy leaves me feeling so strange sometimes...but I'm so happy to be pregnant...I'm so hopeful about the future...I'm also scared, but today I feel more hopeful...I'm content right now...just keep smiling and knitting and let your mind wander...maybe just write some of this down...

On my front porch I can watch people of all walks of life go by. A couple with their Pomeranian sitting up on the man's shoulders arguing about something loudly, a teenage boy with a scowl on his face who did not return my hello, and my neighbor on her bike all pass my little viewing spot. A hopeful hint of a breeze, not quite cool but somehow refreshing on this August day passes through my prayer flags and wind chimes. I take a deep breath and feel so thankful for the slow southern life I've been given. People drive too fast down my road and I have to remind myself not to feel anger. This is a peaceful moment and I can decide what I want it to be. My neighbors cats circle the area, too skittish to let me near them but they make me smile none the less. I love the life they bring to my neighborhood. My front porch is just my little observation deck.

As I mentioned earlier, it's the day after my 29th birthday. My UnBirthday as A referred to it this morning lovingly. I'm excited to start the second day of my 29th year, sitting on my porch this morning enjoying this moment, knitting (and typing) to the Avett Brothers singing melodically in the background. Birthdays are certainly an opportunity for celebration and an outpour of love and support from family and friends. But really, as it turns out UnBirthdays are just as important, more important even. They are the 364 other days, the every days, that we live our lives. My 29th birthday was filled with magical wishes and so much love. But today feels remarkably magical too. A slower and more reflective kind of day. With knitting needs in hand, and august sweat beads starting to form, I will turn my focus to the present and say thank you for all I have.

 It is a very, special UnBirthday indeed.

How will you spend your UnBirthday today?

BPositive and BFree


Thursday, May 30, 2013

Listen... You might just be better for it

I have always enjoyed listening to my friends, family and even strangers. Hearing about life, experiences, woes and gratitude. 

Listening becomes more complicated when you add other factors. 

Opinions. Ego. Authority. Knowledge.

Sometimes we prefer to be right than to listen to the other side. I am the first to admit my struggle with this challenge.

I've been listening when it's easy and natural but not always when there's the biggest potential to grow. Differences in opinion don't always have to lead to arguments. If we listen, receive and really consider another point of view, we may be opening up a hidden path. 

I am thankful for all those bright and vibrant individuals who came together tonight to bravely share creativity. I am better for listening to their thoughts. I am stronger for quieting my own. 

BPositive, BFree, Listen and Grow!


Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Perfect Moments

I've been distracted these days. Books. Movies. Music. Exercise. Work. FOOD. (yup it's in capital letters for a reason and i have no shame!) These may just sound like every day life things which they are... But they keep my mind racing, my body constantly moving, the gears spinning and turning. 

Today I stopped. I remembered a book a friend had given me. I hadn't picked it up much in the past. I'm a firm believer that when the time is right to read a book it will present itself. So I didn't push it. But today felt like the right time. 

The first chapter said so perfectly...

...This is the perfect moment. 

And it was! I heard the fly stuck in the house buzzing around. Felt the cozy carpet under my bare feet. Stretched my legs and felt the painful pull of post run soreness. I tasted sweet mango in my smoothie and smiled at how much my senses had just come alive on command.

Such a small simple command.  

Sometimes we need a little reminder. A mantra. 

This is the perfect moment. 

And it really is. 

BPostive and BFree!


Saturday, April 13, 2013

Intentional beginnings

When we start a new project in life we usually have some form of expectation for the outcome. Over the last 10 days I took part in a commitment to eating whole foods, no sugar and no breads, alcohol or caffeine. "A" did the cleanse with me. We both set some intentions that were personal to us.

My intentions were different from his and for the first time we both felt satisfied while eating a similar diet. It got me reflecting on other aspects of my life and why I am often disappointedly, afraid or unwilling to make changes.

Intentions are reasonable expectations you have for yourself. Expectations that are kind and gentle and understanding of your heart. They give you the opportunity to feel accomplished and provide the confidence to take bigger more passionate strides.

Some days my only intention is to be ok. To be ok with my body, my job, my life.... Other time I feel the greatness rise up, a need to create and be loud! A need to indulge in my love for all that I have and all that I am.

I realized today that I have built a life where I am because I decided to. I made the decision to try new things, be bold, volunteer, host meetups, walk into tea shops and offer my helping hand if not only for an hour a week... These intentions have led to a life I could not have anticipated. People I never expected to meet. Friends I never knew I would cherish. Reflecting on these intentional steps reminds me that I always have choices and new opportunities available to me.

Today my intention is to reflect and say thank you. To dream without inhibition. And to smile deep from within. And to share my thoughts with all of you :)

What will your intentions be today? Small or large, I think they'll be quite impactful.

BPositive and BFree!


Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Ah Spring

Its finally spring. In northwest Florida the air is dry, the birds are a choir outside my house, and the bay just sparkles like diamonds.

While I've felt the initial buzz of the new season, my routine hasn't yet caught up. I've been working a lot (think cubicle...) My husband "A" too. We're in the early stages of a new business and it's not always easy. In our tired state we often fall prey to our winter comforts...Not so kind foods...Movies and TV... Holing up in our house on the couch...

But March is bursting through my windows!! so why am I finding it hard to break these winter habits?

I talked to "A" about my dilemma. I want to embrace my playful side again and open my heart to all the beautiful gifts around me.

So we made a jar. A playful jar. A jar with ideas for activities, outings, and ways to just love our surroundings. I thought I would share some of these.

Finger paint. Dance in the rain. Muppet graffiti. Drive 50 miles outside of town in any direction. Hit the swings at the park. Make a fort. Side walk chalk. Frisbee. Skip rocks in the bay. Star gaze. Dance party! Just to name a few.

Yesterday we sat in the park decorating rocks (this is muppet graffiti in case you were wondering) with vibrant colors and love to leave for others to find. It was a concrete plan that turned into running around the gazebo, taking silly pictures and then tossing the frisbee around the park. "A" challenged me to see if I could get the frisbee through the tree branches. A game that failed in execution but resulted in uncontrollable laughter. We played. We actually let go and played like children. Free from the bills, the business and all the responsibility. It felt so good!

With winter just barely behind us it's not always easy to shift. Coming to the surface should be a gentle experience. Small actions. Embracing the energizing sunlight. Opening the windows. Challenging yourself to a new and maybe silly activity. And maybe even finding a way to PLAY that's right for you!

An open heart gives way to a free spirit
A free spirit changes as she pleases
She embraces her beauty
She's knows that all beauty around her is simple and real
She stops to smell the roses and picks one for herself because roses are meant to be shared.
She lives brightly.
Sparkles deeply.
Loves passionately.
Plays jubilantly.
Her actions are deep hues of sapphire, emerald and garnet.
She's Alive.

Happy spring my dear friends!

BPositive and BFree!

Sunday, March 3, 2013


Wanted to share a few present moments today:

Harmonic wind chimes dancing.
Crisp breeze.
Church bells singing.
Radiator humming.
Hot sweet milky tea.

What rejuvenates you this Sunday morning?

BPositive and BFree!