Sunday, August 21, 2011

I've Just Seen a Face

I'm sitting in a board room at a large mahogany table. Across from me is a man that has stories written all over his face. I watch as each wrinkle of his eye flexes with his words. Sometimes zoning out from the content, I am mesmerised by the movements of his mouth and the consistency of his smile. I'm meeting this man for the first time, yet I know him somehow... from somewhere...

This is not the first time this has happened to me since I moved to Pensacola. Everywhere I go I feel as though I am not just meeting people but re-meeting old friends. It's taken me until now to realize how frequently this has been happening and to finally question why?

Why does S, who makes vegan treats at the farmer's market, have such a familiar smile? Why does the ring of B's voice as she says my name sound uncanny? And why does LB, the man sitting across from me in the boardroom feel possibly even like a distant family member?

M sent me a package a while back while I still lived in Springfield. This current topic has reminded me of her words. I was struggling at the time and wasn't sure where I was meant to be living my happiest life. The collage she made for me said "You are exactly where you are supposed to be."

As I spend time with these people that give me the comfort of having known them for years, I am happy not to think of all this as a strange coincidence. With a million directions to possibly go and every road in the world left untraveled, I have the overwhelming sense that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

BPositive and BWhere you Are!


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Real Journeys

I was given a journal by a friend for my wedding. It's a journal dedicated to the story of starting a life together, living a life together and all the goings on of the relationship and marriage. Some of the questions felt a little strange to answer, because my journey with my husband has been far from typical. Some of the questions were about traditions, fights, favorite music, etc... and as I pondered some of them I realized that all my answers were sort of "out of the box." Far from feeling strange or abnormal, I felt incredibly blessed and truly unique. The way we live is unique and our relationship is special.

But I'm not here to dive into my relationship with A and why we are so AWESOME. I am here to expound upon a way of living that has really made me happier.

My favorite question from the journal was "what were some of your favorite trips you've taken together?" "HA," I thought. Is this a question to be answer on this one little page? Or may I use the rest of the journal to describe our adventures? How about the time we stood at the amazing Havasu Falls after assisting the first ever person who could not walk to the falls by trail and soaked in the cool, serene blue waters. Or maybe the night we sat in a Shell gas station on Highway 21 listening to the locals play bluegrass music in Berea, Kentucky. Or perhaps it was just two days ago when we swam in the crystal clear gulf; splashing, laughing and encountering a sea turtle in Navarre, FL and finishing the afternoon with a PB&J sandwich and some sun chips. There have been countless moments up to this very day that I consider the best trips of my life. However, these trips are not necessarily planned with great care nor do they have an advanced itinerary. Sometimes it's just little moments and last minute rendezvous that give me such a lasting impression. Life can be a constant journey of new adventures. Two years ago we set out to a take a camping trip around the country. We lived in our tent, we ate on a budget, we went in any which direction we pleased. And even though that "trip" has technically come to a close, there is a strong piece of me that believes it hasn't. Why does it have to end? Just because we have work now that provides an income, and we live in one place (for now...) why shouldn't we live each day like an adventure? And let our actions leave lasting impressions in our memories? Maybe that was the true lesson of our cross country camping "trip." And now we must live like we are still exploring.

This morning we took a walk down to the bay which is about 1000 feet from our front door. The wind was blowing and the bay was white capped. The salt was in the air. The smell was fresh and rejuvenating. And I felt so incredibly alive. In just moments I would have to head into town and sit in an office supporting A and getting work done. But because of that moment by the bay where I closed my eyes and let the salty air take over, I let go of tension, stress and anxiety of feeling stuck. I'm always free, I realized. I'm always on a journey. I am always traveling. I always have the choice to live my life the way that makes me most happy.

If I always put life into perspective like this, there won't be a desperate need to escape because every moment entails living life to the fullest and appreciating each drop of summer rain and the trees growing near my home. I'm thankful to be aware of that.

Today I turn 26 years old. Many will say that is still very young, that I still have much to live, learn and grow. I agree. But I would agree with this statement when I turn 36, 46, 56, and so on... I will always have much to live, much to learn, and much to grow. And that is a beautiful thing.

BPositive and BAlive!

Love always,