Monday, June 6, 2011

It's 3 am

Well it's 3 am and here I am blogging. I guess this is how it goes sometimes when your husband works all hours into the night and your temporary bedroom is in the home office. We're in the middle of a move so I understood from the beginning that I'd be losing some control over things for a while. Food, sleep, time with A...

There's a lot going through my head right now. I'm angry that I can go and sleep knowing that I'm getting up in a few hours to meet a friend. I'm sad because my personal time with A has dwindled to pretty much nothing lately. And I'm overwhelmed in gerneral.
But this all brings me back to the same topic over and over again. I'm not living for the present

As I lay here on the couch downstairs, it is dark, quiet and calm. It's comfortable and of course at 5 feet I have no problem stretching out on the couch. Even though I'm tired I lay wide awake worrying, being angry, and wondering how bad I will feel in the morning. But what part of any of those feelings is living presently in the moment? How is worrying about tomorrow helping me be here, present and happy?

Well, it's not! I'm miserable and more awake! This is a good reminder for me. I always thought that something I was good at was being flexible, laid back, and easy going. But after this routine of late nights, little sleep, and having to find comfort in a place that is not mine I realize how much room I still have to grow.

I'm not yet in a place in my life where I can truly sleep anywhere. But I want to be. I want to learn from these moments and find peace within myself no matter what kind of chaos is going on around me. I know I'm capable of that, but it's up to me to do it. It's not anyone elses fault that I've been up all night feeling angry. That's my doing. Only I can choose to feel that way.

And now I choose not too. Sweet dreams to anyone who may be having trouble with sleep tonight too. Just remember this moment is this moment and nothing else.

BPositive and BPresent!



  1. Ahhhh hunny not having a around is hard...phil works away in the navy and i know that i now wont see him until the end of july...i always think posotive and be thankful that he is only away for a month and is not in afgan or somewhere like that.. You are a happy person and the time will come that you and a will be together but the nicest thing is you will be extra thankful for the time and it will be so much more precious

    lots of love bethan and seren xxxx

  2. I'm one of your partners from the 'blog swap', gosh your blog is amazing! i love that you are so passionate about spreading positivity, there need to be more people like you in the world. I should take your advice about BPresent, I'm always worrying about tomorrow and never focus on what I'm doing right there and then! A common problem in this day and age I fear. Anyway, keep on your positive mission I think it's fantastic, I'll be following from now on!
    Best wishes, Louise