I always knew that I was a private person. It was never really in my nature to share information unless someone asked. My tendency has always been to internalize until things feel a bit too intense. Sometimes I am shocked by what I write here in this blog and share with so many people!
This week I was awakened a little to just how introverted I can be. It has really opened my internal and external eyes.
I sat last night with my close friend B. She took the time to visit me all the way from the Northeast in a time that was less than ideal for both of us. We both knew this and willingly proceeded further with our plans knowing that we just wanted time together even if that meant not having crazy adventures each day.
I was instantly comforted by her presence. Due to my nomadic lifestyle with A, I often don't have my friends and family close at hand. B is a piece of home and a reminder of years of growing through college and beyond.
But not physically having people around me who know me well, makes me realize how much of my inner dialogue I keep to myself. I'm not used to having someone present who knows me so well to just talk, talk, talk to.
I spent the week leaking out spurts of my life, bearing all external circumstances but keeping a tight grip on my inner workings. I didn't fear that I wouldn't be accepted and I didn't think my changes would damage our friendship, but I just wasn't accustomed to sharing everything so freely.
But ultimately it occurred to me that by stewing in my own thoughts, I was
standing still. The motions happened around me. There was chatter and laughter and reminiscing. But I was not growing from any of those things. Because my mouth was shut and my words were silent.
My feet are not meant to stand in one spot. It's like standing on the ocean shore at the beach. Your feet sink further and further into the mud as the crashing waves erode everything around you. You don't move anywhere. You just sink. You forever sink into your own thoughts.
So I put on my shoes and I decided to start walking. On the last night that B was here, I took a step, opened my heart and let the words pour out.
And it was the honesty that brought us hand in hand walking forward together.
Our friendship was never in danger, but I was in danger of sinking my own potential to grow with another person. The longer you stand on the shore the deeper you go and the harder it is to get out. But it's never impossible and it's never too late.
These feet were made for walking forward. They were made to climb trees, mountains, canyons and more. They are strong and willing. But they can't go anywhere without the help of my open and honest heart.
BPositive and BWalking in Honesty!
Love,
B
