Monday, September 5, 2011

Pity Party, Table for 1?

We all do this. We all feel justified in doing this. But does it really make us feel any better?

I can't answer for anyone else but I can tell you that it never makes me feel better. It's a temporarily release of everything followed by an ugly feeling of total uselessness.

Recently,  I have found myself feeling sorry for my imperfect situation and for everything I do not have.  But frankly, I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of not writing. I'm tired of complaining. I'm tired of being irritable. I'm tired of wanting to hole up and not talk to anyone.

So today I write and I will continue to write this week. This post will be a tribute to what is great in life and why this unique path I am on is so special. And I will keep posting about all the beauty around me this week as a reminder that this is a good life and an important step.

Everywhere we end up, we are there to do something.  We need to decide if we want to recognize that or not. I seem to throw myself these pity parties at least once per change of location. There is excitement upon arrival, a little numbness and shock about where I am, and then suddenly a whopping WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

But I am here and I am here for a reason.

My dear friend M talks about the importance of seasons. Seasons change no matter what we do and where we live. I currently live in a place with few seasons, yet as we approach autumn I actually feel the season changing. The weather has dropped a few degrees and the air has thinned out but these are not the reasons why I feel change. Inside I know fall is a time of new beginnings. In Judaism the new year is always in September or beginning of October. In childhood we get our supplies together and get ready for school come Labor Day. I'm ready for a new beginning. I'm ready to put this pity aside and truly dive into what is spectacular about this place, this season. There's art here, a local farmer's market, new friends, historic buildings and unique architecture. There is a chance for me to learn something in a place I would have never visited before. I am here. I am not in New England. I am not in Missouri. I am not in California. I am not somewhere oversees. I am in Florida and I am exactly where I am supposed to be, learning and doing the exact things I am supposed to do. It's time to recognize what it is here and fully embrace it and stop wishing for something new.

Yesterday I sat in a diner with A. I felt sorry for myself. I felt impatient. I felt so strongly about wanting to leave this place and go find comfort somewhere else. But when has comfort ever produced greatness?

  by springknitter

BPositive and BHere!



  1. Looking forward to your posts this week...I love your blog my friend. I love you too! Xoxo

  2. If you weren't in FL we would not know why we were visiting there. Can't wait to see you!