Dear faithful friends and readers. I have decided on installment #3 of this windy, unpredictable "project" I have embarked on. And with this new installment in mind, I write to you today from a different setting and a different mindset. Part of why I love writing this blog is because it gives me a chance to be completely honest and open with whomever is listening. And it allows me to be honest with myself by doing what is most challenging for me; Openly admitting to what is happening in my mind and more importantly my heart. Admittedly, I am a bottler. I trap those things inside and I don't let many people see them.
So here I am, as usual, in all my honesty, fully exposed and never ashamed. And I want to discuss a big challenge that I face and I'd imagine others do as well: receiving.
Now, I made a promise to myself this year that I would allow my spiritual growth to be incorporated in my blog and eventually the book that I will write. I've never been great with promises. I've always used the term loosely and with negligence. But, I do promise that this side story ties in with receiving, so hang in there!
Recently, as I use this word with greater care, my promises seem to be surfacing in tangible ways. I write them down and I visualize them everyday and even if weeks go by where I feel lazy and don't want to actively contribute to my promise, there always comes a day where it dawns on me in perfect light and I feel incredibly inspired to create, contribute and share. Today is one of those days. One of my promises has been to be faithful and true to this blog and writing my accounts, but until today I have felt uninspired and lazy to get going on installment 3.
However, something has really dawned on me recently. I have a new faith that when the timing is not right, I'm not supposed to act, and when the timing is right, everything is perfectly clear. I knew the clear day would come so I did not push myself to write things that were forced and insincere. And when I want something positive in my life, something that is very pure in my heart, there always comes a pivotal moment where these things are given to me in some form. And this is happening often enough that I worry very little about breaking promises. I know I will come through. Because I know I have help and I am not alone. I am receiving faith.
So I sit writing to you from an area in my room that I have set up and designated to prayer, meditation, safety and growth. A place where I can begin to understand what God and faith means to me and listen the deepest desires inside my heart. A place where I can continue to learn how to receive.
Lets back track to last week...
I got together with some new friends to watch the movie The Secret. I always knew there was a lot of hype about this movie and until now honestly, I have avoided it. The appeal, for me, of going and watching the movie was more about connecting with other women who live in my area. I've been completely lonely here and craving time with people who I can really talk to, face to face. This group I found is called the Shakti Women and from what I gathered by online comments and photos, they seemed like exactly the people I wanted to be near. So what happened?
a) I almost bailed because I was having a hard day and didn't want to be around other people in all my negativity
b) I felt a push to go to the movie night anyway and put aside my fears and open myself to something I previously felt unsure about
c) I was given 3 kind souls, a cup of my favorite tea and some positive and enlightening conversation.
For the first time in a while, I listened to something other than my self destructive tendency to bottle things up and hide. I listened and received an invitation to be with other people who may even understand. I received it, I cherished it and I felt really happy and loved.
Now as far as the movie goes, I am very glad to have watched it, but I'm not here to review it or even tell you of its content or convince you to see it for yourself. There are many sides to all stories. But what I do know is that one of the major themes was receiving. What do you know? Doesn't life tend to provide us with powerful and relevant information when we need it? Id God helping us see it? And more importantly, is he helping us receive it?
I have always had a hard time receiving. And I realize now that receiving is a much broader topic than what it seems. It's not about taking something, smiling and saying thank you. To truly receive from others, you have to love yourself and feel worthy of what is being given to you. I think it goes without saying that love for yourself is the most critical reception of all. I'm not afraid to say that I am still working on that one :)
But love is only one thing that we receive. We also have desires of what is in our hearts (and I'm not talking just about materials. Although there is nothing wrong in my opinion about wanting something for yourself that is material.) There are a lot of things in life that I want. And there are many dreams that I have.
So, based on the movie that we watched and the deep conversation that we had about what our hearts' desires, I spent time with some new friends and created what is called a Vision Board. I put a lot of time into this because it seemed to be something very necessary for my life right now. A way that I could truly stay focused on what is most important to me. I wanted it to be something special and artistic and easy to read by my own eyes. Something I could look at it every single day and feel proud and eager to receive what my heart wants.
Here is my board. It may be difficult to see specific things but I'm not going to list them off for you. The words don't mean as much as the imagery and I would not be doing them justice.
I want to be bold and say that today, I have no worries or questions in my mind about the contents on this board becoming a reality. I can't be sure that things will actualize in exactly the way that I imagine, but I believe that what my heart wants and needs is going to happen. And every step along the way, I am more than willing to receive what is given to me, even if it comes in a rare or unexpected form.
I wasn't sure I wanted to write this blog today. I've been debating it all week and feeling worried about it. But today when I woke up I sat down in my new inspiring section of my room to just have some quiet and peace of mind and without really asking myself, is this something I needed to share? I got my answer. It was a similar feeling to the push I had to watch the movie with my new friends. Just a feeling that it would be good to write. Good to share. And good to receive any kind of feedback that comes as a result, positive or negative.
So from the floor of my new space in my room, I give you complete vulnerability. In a place where I can finally receive certain things that I have never felt worthy of receiving before. It's a work in progress, but I am 1,000% ok with that because I know I'm trying and I know I'm willing. I am slowly but surely receiving positive things into my heart. I am slowly but surely starting to understand what God means to me and letting him in my heart. My spiritual heart.
So how will you receive today? As a small exercise just really open your eyes today. Don't look for things or try to find something that you wouldn't ordinarily see. Just keep your eyes open and receive something new. It comes in all forms and it's very refreshing. And I will be putting the Receive picture on facebook. If you feel like there is someone who could use some help receiving, please tag them and share the blog with them. Everyone deserves to receive :)
As always... BPositive and BReceptive