Sunday, January 22, 2012

A week of Patience: Day 3

The funny thing about letting yourself really focus on a life skill, is it often gets worse before it gets better. I've been thinking a lot about my friend B and what she shared with us about her cleanse in yesterday's post. There she was going through something so challenging and emotional and all she wanted was to feel her best.

I do not feel my best right now. Do you ever step outside yourself and take a look at things? I've got bags under my eyes, I'm low on energy, and I'm definitely lacking that "shine" we all like to have as we walk through life. I've been focusing on being patient with others and patient with myself and what do I end up doing last night?

Crying. Crying, crying and more crying. I cried for my recent bout of insomnia. I cried for my ever returning neck pain. I cried for the chaos in my new house. I cried for finally processing just how hard it was to spend time with family and then leave again. I cried for how busy A has been and how this week just seemed endless. And the of course I cried more simply because I was crying.

Now don't feel sorry for me. I certainly don't (although I think I felt a little sorry for me last night) This cry was eye opening and helped me release some much needed emotional tension. But where to go from here? I could sit and feel sorry for myself or try and dissect things a little further. I finally put myself to sleep after all this emotional dumping. Part of what soothed me some was realizing how much pressure I had been putting on myself. How even with all this focus on patience I was missing it's value on a deeper level. I reminded myself that:

Sleep always comes.
Pain will heal.
Busy schedules eventual lighten up.
Family visits always come sooner than I think.
Crying always ceases.

I really enjoyed what B talked about in her post yesterday about the pressure she put on herself to feel good. I often put pressure on myself to be well rested, alert and shining through life. But if I'm forcing those things, they're not real and honest. And truthfully, I'd take the crying moments of revelation over the forced moments any day.

Even when we're not feeling our best, if we keep patient with ourselves at all levels our true nature will shine through, beautiful and bright.

  by springknitter

BPositive and BTruly Patient with your body, mind and spirit!


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